I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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