Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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