my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
