Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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