Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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