Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
