I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sext me about skeletons
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
