i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
