I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
