I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i out mim tonsoeep
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