Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
