I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
