if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
