I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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