i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
