Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
