new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
