the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
