what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
