no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
