Your dad touched me again.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
