what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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