Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's blow job season.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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