I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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