i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
