oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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