I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
