shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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