I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
