Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
