Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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