I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
