He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
