There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
