Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
