Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
