That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
