i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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