his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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