Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
