I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
