wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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