I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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