so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize