how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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