Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
