I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
