There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
