I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's always time for handjobs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
