you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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