he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
