The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
