I can text with my tongue
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
