I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
