Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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