Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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