No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
