Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
