with your own penis?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
