I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
