Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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