glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
