All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
