Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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