I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Randomize
