I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
