I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
