I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
These tits shall not be calmed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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