you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
