He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
