i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
