You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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