genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
handjob tips. give me some.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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