it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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