it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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