so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
