Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize