I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
