Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
