There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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