Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
