Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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