i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize