He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
