I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
