Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will be naked everywhere
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize