Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
