There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
