there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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